Days I was in love

I was young, 16 years old going to be 17.  Schooling and older than many girls, I could care my junior schoolmate, but they were not attracted to me.  There was a girl my senior; I was unable let her off my eyesight wherever she went.

I was sitting on the stool at one of the corner of the school front yard under the shade of a giant old tree.  I would be sitting there when the school was over or earlier than the school started classes. There I was to lay my eyesight on her, rain or shine, sick or healthy, teased by others or scolded by whomever, it was never fail.

One day, it must be the D-day.  As usual I was sitting on the same stool after school bell.  She was out from the school front door, step by step onto the steps downward, but she did not step onto the same steps like yesterday or the days before yesterday, stepped toward the school compound. She made a turn, a turn towards my sitting direction.

My heart was pumping, from normal speed to fast and get faster, from light beat to hard and get harder. I could feel my face was flush and warm.  Each step she stepped on, she was not stepping on the floor, she stepped on my fleshy heart. I couldn’t raise my head in order to have the eye to eye contact with her. She walked near and I heard nothing but heart beating and felt my cheeks was warm. Finally I was able to manage to have the words of “I am 5 years your senior and I am engaged” slipped into my ear drums.

I was in the theater to watch a comedy movie but my tears; they went off on the opposite of the story of the movie. Though it was only wet my eyes, it was not my intention to cry. Night was not the time to sleep; day was not the time to work, brain was in my skull, soul was not around. They said it was a symptom of lost love but I was not even begun to have love.

Countless nights were passed; countless days were gone.  Early in the morning, the sun still going up, later in the evening, darkness bravely covered up. I was still around, it did not matter sun was up or down, it did not matter darkness or brightness. Why must I be around?

The memory is back and they are very fresh and very real, it is just like they were happen yesterday.  The unfortunate event of my neighbor’s son brought my memory back from 40 years ago.

The neighbor’s son is a teenage boy, undergraduate student.  He has a girl friend, 2 years his senior; both are in the same college.  The love-ship is strongly opposed by the parents, both girls and boy parents.

The couple, the lovebirds, they fought very hard to gain the recognitions and blessings from their parents. Their determination was very real and firm. They have tried all means and all ways possible to pass the message to both their parents that they loved each other deeply and truthfully. Unfortunately it was not bought by the girl’s parents.  The girl was sent overseas for completing her undergraduate studies in a way of separating them.

The boy was one of the top scorers on examinations or other activities.  His performance went way down after the separation from his love, far below one of the top scorers but maintained a pass.  Such a low performance earned him, scolds from parents, blames of wasting the parents’ monies, blames for losing parents’ reputation and social position was at stake and anything that was not in parents’ favors, it was his fault of not one of the top scorers. Friends were despised him as they did not understand the power of love, they held an idea that man should not lost themselves just because of girls. The boy was attacked psychologically, left and right, back and front, top and bottom, sideway, back way, front way, top way and down way.  It was one nice day; he met a car accident and became coma and resting in hospital bed ever and forever.  Doctor said that the boy has no hope of recovering. Police said the boy was driving restlessly.

The boy must have felt the way I felt when I was experienced 40 years ago, but the ways it goes I was luckier than the boy. History is repeating now and then, non-stop continuing, the sad story, the sad movie, the message is there and it is very real, and no one is really caring.  When unfortunate event occurring, tears are there, but tears have no power to make things right and bring back the precious moments of our life.

Next Topic:  will only know Tomorrow or the day after Tomorrow.

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