The Sadness

I have retired a few years ago.  It was a very difficult time for me for the first few years. I was retired out from necessary. It was not my pre-planed of retirement.  My small uniform business was not able to withstand the shock wave of 1997 Asian financial crisis and other minor aftershocks, suicide planes crashed of the twin towers and the sars crisis.  It may argue that the aftershocks crisis was not valid reasons for the low performed of my business.  I must say, it was the case.  Most companies were having the attitude of look and see, reserving financial strength for the worst to come and not spending at the time.

I was losing good paymaster customer one by one and year after year, I was and I too, dared not taking new customers as the worries were there and the sadness come along with the worries, or at least, the sadness was started to grow within my deepest heart, aging was another factor for the sadness to come by, though I was not willing to admit I am old. Aging itself does not carry sadness along with it.

The weakness of physical strength, the remaining time of a human life being taken into account.  The most and highly effective, it is the deteriorating of human body when they are aging.  It is the illness associated with old age and there is not one, there are many incurable illnesses associated with aging.  These factors, joining together by a string, it is the string of sadness.  The string of sadness grows, it forms depressed, it become too much of pressure, it make me feel like incapable of doing anything.  The confidence is losing day after day and it is the day to retire.

A couple of years before retiring, there were sadness attacked me on and off, after retiring the same sadness keep on attacking.  Analyzing the sadness I was, finding out what’s wrong with me I was.  All these years, there were conclusions, all these years, conclusions I found.

 Sadness, there were and are two with me all along, the known and the unknown. The unsolved problems I have, the sadness there are, the jobs undone, with me the sadness.  Scolding someone doing some mistakes, someone feeling sad, feeling sad I was. Angry someone and my temper flared, minute later temper gone but sadness was there. This is the known and solved most of the time.

Every year, end of the year, the north westerly wind blowing, it carries sadness to me for reasons unknown. Sadness there it is.  Solving it, stopping the north westerly wind, ways I don’t have.  On and off, pretty frequently, early in the morning I woke up, sadness woke up with me, why, don’t know I am. Woke up middle of the night, releasing pressure from my bladder, sadness came along.  Pressure from bladder is gone, sadness was not gone along.   This is the unknown and unable to solve.

Sadness of the young age, there are inside my memory.  It is better for the young ones to tell. History is repeating.  There are no differences, theirs or mine. We may have different way of lifestyle.  We may have different encounters.  The basic of feelings there are. It is the same.

Sadness with us, it does not matter, the age or the young, it does not matter, the known or unknown, it does not matter, money or love, it does not matter, boys or girls.  The biggest enemy of sadness, the time, it is the time of the not long or a little bit longer, in the future.  Sadness will be totally gone.

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